May 28, 2022
Katie Wells, CTNC, MCHC, Founder and CEO of WellnessMama.com and Wellnesse. Her ideas related to parenting are steeped in practical experience and deep wisdom, and will be featured in my upcoming book Boundless Parenting, which will showcase Katie and 30+ additional amazing parents from around the globe who are sharing their deep wisdom and advice so that you can be a better parent and better human.
Look for that new parenting book to launch in Winter of 2022 and click here to stay updated for the book release.
So who is Katie, exactly?
A mom of six with a background in journalism, Katie took health into her own hands and started researching to find answers to her health struggles. Her research turned into a blog and podcast, and she’s now written over 1,500 blog posts and three books, and was named one of the 100 most influential people in health and wellness.
When Katie Wells is not reading medical journals, creating new recipes, or recording podcasts, you can find her somewhere outside in the sun with her husband (who she met walking across the country) and kids or undertaking some DIY remodeling project. Obligatory additional unrelated randomness: doula, speed-reader, hates bananas, loves baseball, scuba-diver, INTJ, highly experienced in answering the question, “why.”
I've interviewed Katie in the episode: Water Fasting, Trauma Release For Fat Loss, Homeschooling, Hidden Nasty Ingredients In Your Personal Care Products & Much More With Katie Wells, The Wellness Mama! and I've also been a guest on her podcast on the show: The Wellness Mama Podcast 241: Ben Greenfield on Biohacking for Moms, Anti-Aging, & Raising Amazing Kids.
In this episode, you'll discover:
-Katie describes her children, and why she's proud of them…09:37
- Want them to be proud of themselves
- Want them to develop individually
- Want them to find their own identity
- Point out specific things they do well, rather than a general “I'm proud of you”
- Don't want them to be dependent on approval from mom
- Love unconditionally
- Should not have to do anything to earn love
-Elements of Katie's parenting style that are unique…12:37
- “First Principles” parenting
- Breaking something to the base concepts
- Build the best process/outcome from these base concepts
- Never yell at the children
- Don't shut down the emotions
- Teach children to focus on what they can control
- The Work of Byron Katie
- Radical self-sufficiency (raising responsible adults, not children)
- “Don't do anything for them that they are capable of doing themselves”
- Don't take away the ownership of responsibility
- Learn concept of consequences in a harm-free environment
- Teach children how to learn from failure
- Natural consequences are great teachers
- Few rules in the homes; make their own decisions and learn from their decisions
- Allowing them to make decisions are a way for kids to learn risk analysis
- Give kids tools to to trust themselves to make good decisions; to trust their intuition; to process failure if they do not make good decisions
- Nurture failure tolerance
- No phone or car until they run a profitable business for a year
- Chef Junior: 100 Super Delicious Recipes by Kids for Kids!
- Speak to the inner child while they're still children (validate emotions)
- Encourage to ask better questions; asking questions is how children learn
-Indispensable resources for Katie's parenting approach…39:18
- Each child is individual
- It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
- The Wellness Mama Podcast – 483: Mark Wolynn on Why It Didn't Start With You, Inherited Trauma & How We Heal
- The Body Keeps the Score by Vessel van der Kolk
- Positive Parenting Solutions
-Most important rituals and routines for Katie's family…43:03
- Morning prayer, gratitude and meditation, and shared experiences
- The family looks forward to “Soft Rock Saturdays”
- Value experiences over things
-Rites of passage and significant moments…45:19
- Giving them ownership and ability to make decisions early
- Experience based rites of passage
- Talking about and setting boundaries
-Katie's parenting mentors…47:39
- Katie's own parents were influential
- Biographies of successful parents
-What Katie teaches her children about raising their own children…49:56
- Modeling vs. teaching
- Approval comes from within, not from the parent
- Respect for each child's individuality and autonomy
- Not projecting expectations on the children
- Talk about the hard and enjoyable parts of parenting
- Although parenting requires a lot of work, it does not have to be hard and it can also be fun
-Katie's philosophy on educating her kids…52:47
- Unschooling and education podcasts
- Creativity, critical thinking, hands on approach, self-directed learning
- Minimize bookwork
- Focus on mastery, not proficiency
-Proudest moment as a parent…55:33
- Watching them doing things
- Chef Junior: 100 Super Delicious Recipes by Kids for Kids!
- When consistency and hard work pays off in their performance
-What Katie wishes she had known before becoming a parent…1:00:09
- Children are mirrors of us
- Children are the greatest teachers
- We grow alongside the children
- Very little quiet in the house
-Dealing with “imposter syndrome” as a parent…1:02:26
- We're all learning as we go as an antidote
- Creeps in when in a public setting
- We are also learning from failures
-Mentoring children without living vicariously through them…1:04:10
- Remember that they are their own people
- Not to pass expectations unto them; just to pass love unto them
- Help them to become people who are loving
- Focus on efforts, not results; focus on efforts, not innate traits
-Parenting decisions that kept you awake at night, worrying…1:06:26
- A believer of “worry is just a waste of imagination”
- Worrying could be great learning opportunities; often comes from own insecurities
-Regrets from experience as a parent…1:07:27
- “Regret is just a waste of imagination”; it could not be changed
- “It couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't” is very true
-What Katie would change as a parent if she could do it again…1:08:50
- Go back to being 20 with the first kid with the lessons learned from the past 15 years
- Also know that the process of that learning is very important
-Fear that being outside of the box approach, children would grow up weird or different…1:11:00
- Hopes children would grow up a little weird
- Cultivating a tolerance for that in them and they don't need approval from the normal world
- Want them to have resilience from needing to fit in
- Be weird but be kind
-Differing from the spouse on parenting principles and techniques…1:12:57
- Dad is more hands off than Katie but agree on core values and goals for the kids
- The method may be different, but remain consistent
- Kids can benefit from differing approaches to parenting
-Angst, frustration, or impatience when wanting to share something with the kids but fear that you may be overloading them…1:15:10
- Kids are infinitely capable of learning and understanding
- Sharing about new and impactful things but detaching the outcome of them adapting those things
- In giving a gift, the gift is in the giving
-Balancing passing of valuable knowledge and wisdom with not creating a scenario of the child worrying too much about the constant stream of information and adulting…1:18:05
- Play is the work of children; create time for them to bored
- Let them have time to have creative pursuits that are not structured
- Create a culture around love of learning and love of challenge
- The goal of raising children is to raise responsible and kind adults
-Balancing parenting responsibilities with business and self-care…1:20:40
- Psychologically, a child only needs 10-20 minutes of one-on-one time each day in order to feel connected and grounded and to have a good relationship with parents – Positive Parenting Solutions
- Focused one on one time with the children each day
- Actively listen to what is important to them
-Engaging in one-on-one time or create space for dedicated present time for a child…1:23:04
- Make a point everyday for 10~20 minutes to do with them what they want to do, what they love; talk about what they want to talk about
- Active listening, be in the present
-Non-negotiable rules for children…1:25:44
- Experience required as a baseline
- Martial arts
- Swimming – lifeguard and CPR training and SCUBA certified
-Do you discipline, and if so, how?…1:26:24
- Does not do the “go to your room, you're grounded” type of discipline
- The Wellness Mama Podcast 502: Dr. Joe Dispenza on Changing Your Thoughts, Emotions & Life
- Discipline is often confused with punishment
-How to handle helping children establish responsible, moderated, conscientious use of books, media, entertainment, social media?…1:27:36
- No super strict rules or limits other than, “No phone or car until they run a profitable business for a year”
- Teaching them that technology is a tool, not as a weapon
- Teach how to regulate the use of technology
- Boundaries come from within
-Do you emphasize or encourage health, fitness, or healthy eating principles? What seems to work well?…1:29:21
- Culture goes a long way
- How we model is often much more important than what we say
-What would you wish your children to inscribe on your gravestone/ what would you wish them to remember about you, or remember you for?…1:31:46
- Something funny
- Was always there for them and loved them
– What do you want most to be remembered for as a parent?…1:32:32
- Love, kindness, adventure
- Remember the small moments and times spent together
-What do you think your children would say as their fondest memory of being raised by you?…1:33:07
- The small moments
- The bedtime stories, the spontaneous dance parties
-What one message for parents would you put on a billboard?…1:33:36
- It's not meant to be this hard, it's actually meant to be really fun
- If it's not fun and it's hard, take it as a chance to look inside; they are the best teachers and they have a lot to teach us
- Being a good parent is a constant journey of self-improvement
-And much more…
-Upcoming Events:
- World Vision's Global 6K for Water on June 14. Click here to join the BGL team virtually from wherever you are for this year's Walk for Water.
- Keep up on Ben's LIVE appearances by following bengreenfieldlife.com/calendar
Click here for the full written transcript of this podcast episode.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
– Katie Wells:
- The Wellness Mama Podcast
- Wellnesse
- Water Fasting, Trauma Release For Fat Loss, Homeschooling, Hidden Nasty Ingredients In Your Personal Care Products & Much More With Katie Wells, The Wellness Mama!
- The Wellness Mama Podcast 241: Ben Greenfield on Biohacking for Moms, Anti-Aging, & Raising Amazing Kids
- The Wellness Mama Podcast – 483: Mark Wolynn on Why It Didn't Start With You, Inherited Trauma & How We Heal
- The Wellness Mama Podcast 502: Dr. Joe Dispenza on Changing Your Thoughts, Emotions & Life
– Books:
- Ben's upcoming book Boundless Parenting
- Chef Junior: 100 Super Delicious Recipes by Kids for Kids!
- It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
- The Body Keeps the Score by Vessel van der Kolk
– Other Resources:
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