It seems like the older I get, the more picky I get about my underwear choices. And while I typically like to focus on nutrition, fat loss and human performance here at BenGreenfieldFitness.com, I just have to do my part for males everywhere and express a few serious thoughts about healthy men’s underwear.
When it comes to men’s underwear, I don’t ask too much. I have five simple criteria:
1) My Underwear Must Move With Me. I’m an active guy, and I walk and move around quite a bit. I stand up, sit down, So I want men’s underwear that doesn’t bunch up, make funky looking lines underneath my pants, ride up into my crotch or gather in the crease of my butt. And I don’t want to have to adjust, tuck or shift my underwear to ensure that doesn’t happen – I want my underwear to effortlessly move for me and with me. In other words, I need men’s underwear that is versatile enough to wear in the office, to a workout, and under jeans or shorts..
2) My Underwear Must Not Chafe. Sometimes in the middle of a work day, I find myself walking into a gym to lift weights, hopping on a bicycle for a quick ride, heading out on a lunchtime run, or getting into a pick-up game of basketball or tennis. Unfortunately, the seams and cut on an average pair of men’s underwear like cotton boxers or briefs absolutely guarantees to wreak havoc on my sensitive male sections during these midday efforts, leaving me needing to either A) inconveniently be forced to purchase and pack both my “workout” underwear and my “office” underwear or B) squirt and smear messy anti-chafing cream into every crack and crevice or C) be cringing from the needling, chafing-induced pain that has me gritting my teeth as soon as shower soap hits my scarred underside.
3) My Underwear Must Be Healthy. How the hell can underwear be “healthy”? Well, imagine taking a rubber band and tying it around your testicles, completely cutting off oxygen and blood flow to some of the most important organs in your body. Does that sound healthy? Now imagine taking your testicles and shoving them into a hot, non-breathable box with zero ventilation. Does that sound healthy? Now you’re getting the idea: men’s underwear must be able to support you without putting a vise-grip on your balls. Whether you’re actively sweating or sitting in a desk chair, your balls must be allowed to breathe – especially if you want to optimize performance during those times that your underwear is off.
4) My Underwear Must Not Be Prohibitively Expensive. If I wander into a department store or surf onto to a website to purchase men’s underwear, I absolutely refuse to fork over $52 for a designer underwear label that is identical to a $12 generic underwear 3-pack, especially when there’s absolutely no difference between the two. I need underwear that fits all my other criteria without emptying my wallet.
5) My Underwear Must Make Me Look Good. Let’s face it guys – men’s underwear should streamline your physique. It should support your core. It should make your package look…bigger. And it should never, ever leave stinky, unsightly sweat stains across your crotch. All that work that you put into looking good, eating healthy, burning fat and developing a flat stomach can be completely negated if you’ve got a bunched up pair of baggy boxers hanging around your waist like a poodle skirt. If you rip your pants off, or your pants get ripped off, you want your underwear to be impressively slick and streamlined.
That’s it, folks. That’s all I ask. Seem like a bit much? Maybe a men’s underwear pipe dream? You’re right…it probably was a pipe dream – until a few months ago when a new player showed up on the men’s underwear scene: Slix.
These bad boys fit all my criteria for men’s underwear. Created with high-tech textiles like cationic polyester and elastane that move with you, engineered with non-chafing flatlock seams and smoothed down with patented Slix “Soft” technology, and fitted with a ventable, breathable pouch the Slix men’s underwear breathes, wicks and dries quickly, maximizes comfort, offers perfect versatility – and of course, makes my mid-section look more cut and streamlined.
I’ve swam in Slix, ridden a bike 20 miles in Slix, run a competitive 10K in Slix, played 2 hours of full court basketball with Slix, completed an entire tennis match in Slix, and also worn them all day at the office without reaching down once to adjust my undies.
Whether I’m pulling on a pair of underwear on a hot day after a triathlon, or getting dressed for a night of Salsa lessons with my hot wife, I’m now sporting Slix.
And I’m not complaining. Frankly, neither is she.
To Your Health & Virility,
P.S. Slix fit like a glove, straight out of the package. You’re never allowed to try undergarments on at a department store anyways, so you might as well get your men’s underwear online.