Sabbath Ramblings: Sex, Porn & Polyamory Part 1.

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polyamory
Sabbath Ramblings

Woo, boy. I guess it's time to open a can of worms.

I'm going to address a few somewhat controversial topics I've received quite a few questions about lately, and figured I'd “kill three birds with one stone” and tackle them all at once for you.

The topics at hand are, in no particular order of importance:

  1. Polyamory 
  2. Pornography
  3. Sex

Obviously, all three topics are rife with potential for opinionated discussion and intense, emotional, personal beliefs, so I fully understand that you may not necessarily agree with what I'm about to say, but as with all my Sabbath Ramblings, I am opening up these kinds of topics for healthy dialogue in the comments section below the article, and also to hopefully better your life with my own personal view on each. After all, sexual health is just as important for your physical, mental, and spiritual fitness as lifting weights, meditating, or praying. Originally, I had planned on writing this article as one single post but realized about halfway through that it would be best for me to tackle these issues one-by-one, so stay tuned for Part 2 (porn) and Part 3 (sex) in future weeks. For now, I'll focus on polyamory.

So, that's being said, let's lube up and dive in, shall we?


What's Polyamory?

Polyamory, the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved, might very well be the biggest sexual revolution since the 1960s. I don't make it a habit of name-dropping in my articles, but I do have notable friends in the fitness community such as Aubrey Marcus, Kyle Kingsbury, and Paul Chek who have all taken what I consider to be a significant part in popularizing polyamory, especially amongst the health and fitness crowd with which I so often roam and hear whisperings of swinging and polyamory throughout. Folks like those named above will readily claim that polyamory is a path to integrating sexual freedom, honesty, and openness—while still retaining a semblance of commitment.

But others think polyamory, in addition to creating inevitable scenarios of jealousy and relationship angst, poses an existential threat to Western Civilization, societal stability, and family legacy…

…and—although I love guys like Aubrey, Kyle, and Paul—I'd tend to agree.

It's important to raise this issue not only because a significant number of people seem to be pursuing polyamorous, open, or swinging relationships, but also because the nature of societal views on marriage can have long-lasting implications for children, communities, economies, civilizations, and future generations.

Sure, I fully realize that many would argue that sexual relationships are a matter of individual choice, nobody else’s business, and “what happens in my bedroom stays in my bedroom, bro.” But, I'll certainly make it a business of non-apologetically sticking my nose into other people's sex lives—or any other aspects of their lives, for that matter—if I feel that those sexual choices may significantly affect the world I live in and the world my children grow up in.

I also fully realize that I cannot, in a single blog post, thoroughly address this topic. That would require a book. And yes, yes, yes, I've read my friend Chris Ryan's book, Sex At Dawn, which is largely an argument against monogamy and for polyamory. I've also read the decent antithesis to Ryan's book, Sex At Dusk, by Lynn Saxon, a book that presents quite the opposite view. I've even quite recently read Doug Wilson's hilarious fiction book, Ride, Sally, Ride, which is a witty expose of what can happen when we slide from the devaluation of marriage all the way down to sex dolls being recognized as “humans with rights.” You may want to consider reading all three books above to better form your own opinions around this topic.

But—despite not having the bandwidth to write a book on polyamory—I can at least, in this brief article, share with you my own thoughts and concerns regarding polyamory (before moving on to the equally inciting topics of porn and sex). 

However, before filling you in on my personal thoughts regarding polyamory, I'll first define what polyamory is a bit more thoroughly than I did above. In a nutshell, polyamorous relationships, also known as “open” relationships, are based upon the concept of “consensual non-monogamy,” which is the idea that relationships can theoretically be loving, committed, and serious, without necessarily being sexually exclusive. Many proponents of polyamory would say it's a bit of a libertarian approach to sex and marriage, meaning that if you can choose to have more than one child, more than one friend, and more than one work colleague, you should also be free, should you so desire, to choose more than one sexual partner. Among married couples, you may also be familiar with a flavor of polyamory called “swinging,” or, essentially, sexual partner-swapping. There's also polygamy, which is a bit similar to polyamory, but occurs within the context of a marriage, and is simply the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time.

Openness to a so-called “poly” lifestyle appears to be surprisingly common. For example:

  • 4 percent to 5 percent of all adults are in open or polyamorous relationships;
  • 20 percent have at least tried some kind of open or polyamorous relationship at some point;
  • 17 percent of adults aged 18-44 have had sex with someone else with the consent of their partner (and 9 percent among adults aged 45-54);
  • 28 percent of adults say it is not natural for humans to be in a monogamous relationship; and
  • 29 percent of adults under 30 consider polyamory to be morally acceptable (compared to 6 percent of adults over 65).

So that's what polyamory is, and that's how common it is.


The Problem With Poly

Now…why do I, and others, consider polyamory to be problematic?

First, polyamorous relationships tend to be rife with jealousy, particularly sexual jealousy. This makes sense. From an ancestral standpoint, we humans have deep-rooted desires for relationship features such as paternity certainty (e.g. who's your real daddy?), protecting pair bonds, and reducing sexual disease transmission. This jealousy, as I've witnessed in many of my polyamorous friends, can be stressful, difficult to manage, and can often create intense emotional turmoil in a relationship. Of course, jealousy—along with broken agreements and dishonesty—can also be a feature of monogamous relationships. But, the fact is that if you're in a polyamorous relationship, you know your partner is sleeping around and also often know with whom they are sleeping around, so the potential for jealousy, stress, and emotional turmoil threatens to be much higher; and this is exactly what I have witnessed in my polyamorous friends. Their relationships with both their spouse and their “open others” seem to be a constantly stressful drama, chock full of emotional meltdowns and bitter arguments (e.g. “You did what with who, and you've never done that with me?”).

Furthermore, polyamory seems to require a significant amount of trade-offs in terms of time, energy, money, and mating efforts to juggle multiple partners—partners who are simultaneously also trying to do the same with their multiple partners. Where does Dad sleep when Mom's boyfriend comes over for the night? Where does little Johnny go during this time? If the polyamorous relationship occurs in a scenario in which multiple partners are living within the same household, who decides which bed the man or woman shares for that night, and who watches the kiddos when Mom or Dad are out on date-night with their extra partner? There's even a term, “poly-drama,” used as a moniker for these type of sticky, often unforeseen problems that sometimes aren't considered, since they are often overshadowed by the prospect of sexual freedom and getting to enjoy multiple partners.

Speaking of kids, who exactly does a child who lives in a polyamorous house appropriately and accurately call father? Who do they call mother? When it comes to paternity certainty—a man’s confidence that his kids are really his—is there a mental shift in the way a man cares for a child not his own vs. a child who he is confident is his direct blood relative? If a man is indeed concerned about this, or a woman wants to guarantee she has a child by one specific man in the relationship, does this increase the expenses of paternity testing, or on a more serious note, the likelihood of a desire for abortion? As you can imagine, when it comes to the children, polyamory can introduce a host of additional confusions that go beyond the stress of juggling multiple partners.

Disease risk may also be amplified in the case of polyamory. Monogamy reduces the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and although STIs have become far less common over the last several centuries, any time there are more sexual partners in any scenario, the likelihood of STIs—even in an era of vaccines, medications, PReP, condoms, and “safe sex,”—could potentially be higher in a polyamorous relationship (though I'll admit that's not proven), or at least the threat thereof could require far more time, energy, and even more mental stress based around contraceptive practices and disease risk. Heck, I know if I knew my wife's genitals were being rubbed against a few different gentlemen each month or year, I'd certainly have a gnawing worry at the back of my mind about what exactly could have been on one of those dicks that was now on my own.

Next, folks like Jordan Peterson have astutely noted the potential sexual-egalitarian and violence-reduction benefits of monogamy. This may be in part because monogamy decreases the ability of males to monopolize women, while simultaneously helping to equalize mating opportunities and decrease violent competition among males. Peterson puts it this way:

“Men get frustrated when they are not competitive in the sexual marketplace (note: the fact that they DO get frustrated does not mean that they SHOULD get frustrated. Pointing out the existence of something is not the same as justifying its existence). Frustrated men tend to become dangerous, particularly if they are young. The dangerousness of frustrated young men (even if that frustration stems from their own incompetence) has to be regulated socially. The manifold social conventions tilting most societies toward monogamy constitute such regulation…socially-enforced monogamous conventions decrease male violence. In addition (and not trivially) they also help provide mothers with comparatively reliable male partners, and increase the probability that stable, father-intact homes will exist for children.”

I mostly agree with Jordan on this point (and you can read more about my opinions on father-intact homes here), although I believe that social or governmental enforcement of monogamy should not exist. Instead, I think children should be taught about the values of marriage and the stability that monogamy affords, then be free to make their own choice. As a self-professed libertarian, I don't really want the government “ordering” me to be a one-woman man any more than I want them ordering me to be a two or three or four-woman man. But at the same time, I should also be free to express my own opinions on the matter, and teach my children what I consider to be valuable, ethical, and (more on this briefly) Biblical views on marriage.

The societal stability afforded by monogamous societies is also a hefty consideration here. From everything I've researched, the only societies that have ever succeeded in becoming large-scale technological civilizations are societies that have adopted monogamous marriage as the gold standard for long-term pair bonds and family formation. As this paper succinctly notes:

“…it is worth speculating that the spread of normative monogamy, which represents a form of egalitarianism, may have helped create the conditions for the emergence of democracy and political equality at all levels of government. Within the anthropological record, there is a statistical linkage between democratic institutions and normative monogamy. Pushing this point, these authors argue that dissipating the pool of unmarried males weakens despots, as it reduces their ability to find soldiers or henchmen. Reduced crime would also weaken despots' claims to be all that stands between ordinary citizens and chaos. Historically, we know that universal monogamous marriage preceded the emergence of democratic institutions in Europe, and the rise of notions of equality between the sexes. In Ancient Greece, we do not know which came first but we do know that Athens, for example, had both elements of monogamous marriage and of democracy. In the modern world, analyses of cross-national data reveal positive statistical relationships between the strength of normative monogamy with both democratic rights and civil liberties. In this sense, the peculiar institutions of monogamous marriage may help explain why democratic ideals and notions of equality and human rights first emerged in the West.”

In other words, monogamy has historically been central to the emergence of complex societies, and while a small indigenous hunter-gatherer village may be able to survive for long periods of time in a scenario of wife and husband swapping, you'd be hard-pressed to name a single great country that has emerged built upon a foundation of polyamorous or polygamous vs. monogamous relationships. I suspect that an additional reason this may be so is that, from a legacy and legal standpoint, married couples can far more easily do things such as prepare a living trust as an estate planning tool to more quickly transfer assets upon death, keep family matters private, minimize taxes, and develop a scenario in which a stable and long-lasting legacy is built for generations to come.

A recent reader on my article about porn, made an astute comment regarding this idea of monogamy and cultural stability:

“We have to trust that God has set up boundaries for morality in our lives because he as our creator knows what is best for us. In his great book, “Civilizing Sex”, Patrick Riley analyzes every ancient culture and what led to their destruction and he boils the key to civilization down to one word – monogamy. Have you ever thought about why you don’t know any Babylonians or Assyrians but you do know at least one Jewish family? There is one simple reason Jewish culture has survived for 3500 years – monogamy. No society has ever survived the breakdown of the family and we would be fools to think ours will.”

Of course, considering I believe the Bible to be the absolute truth—and, as I write about here, the firmest foundation that exists upon which to build a society—I'd be remiss not to also share with you what the Bible says about marriage and sexual partnerships.


What The Bible Says About Marriage

So…is there any evidence of a Biblically-based, stable marriage that includes multiple partners?

After all, many of the great men of the Bible—such as Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon, along with a number of Old Testament patriarchs and kings (as was typical of many ancient Middle-eastern chieftains)—all had multiple wives. But while the Bible describes the practice of polygamy and polyamory, it never actually condones this practice, and, as a matter of fact, I can't find a single passage in Scripture where such a relationship is ever portrayed in a positive light or results in a happy, satisfied, and stable marriage scenario. Additionally, in every such case, the practice of keeping multiple wives results in pretty big problems, including Solomon's many wives leading him into idolatry and destroying his faith in God; extreme bitterness between Abraham's wife Sarah and her maid Hagar with whom Abraham was sleeping; Rachel’s sinful jealousy of Jacob's wife Leah, which led to Joseph being betrayed and sold by his half-brothers; and the rape of one of King David's daughters (Tamar) by one of his sons (Tamar’s half-brother Amnon) and Amnon’s subsequent murder by Tamar’s brother Absalom.

Sheesh. What a poly-drama mess.

Polygamy had mostly disappeared in Israel by the time of Jesus Christ, and in the New Testament, Paul’s instructions in Titus 1 and 1 Timothy 3 clearly specified that deacons and elders must be “the husband of one wife.” He goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 7 that a man is to have his own wife and a woman is to have her own husband. Jesus also explicitly states in Matthew 19:3-9 that a man should have only one wife: “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”

God intended that marriage should work this way from the very beginning. The Bible clearly says in Genesis 2:22-24: “Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.

Like many orders, rules, and laws in the Bible, I'm certain that God had a reason for inspiring Jesus to speak of and the Biblical apostles to write of the values of a “one-woman man” and a “one-man woman.” Our Creator is certainly aware of many of the practical, legal, logistical, and societal downfalls of polyamory and polygamy, and aware of our human tendencies to engage in bitter and stressful bouts of jealousy and arguments in a multi-partner scenario. Furthermore, many Biblical writers refer to the exclusivity and sacredness of sexual love as being a symbol for the exclusivity and sacredness of our relationship with God. In other words, we should worship one God, and we should marry one spouse. We shouldn't worship a variety of idols, nor marry or sleep with a variety of sexual partners. Adopting this monogamous practice of sexual commitment, loyalty, and honesty can create order, stability, honesty, patience, kindness, love, and a host of other societal and spiritual fruits that simply seem far more difficult to attain in a polyamorous or polygamous society or relationship.

Based on this, I believe that monogamy was inherent to God’s plan for humanity from the very beginning of Creation. I'm well aware that there are a host of arguments otherwise, but—and I realize this is fully anecdotal—in my experience and interactions with swingers, open relationship advocates, and polyamorous or polygamous friends, I can't personally name any single polyamorous or polygamous couple I know who has not been what I can best describe as either A) frequently miserable, depressed, or worried; B) constantly complaining of relationship stress and jealousy; and/or C) possessed of relatively confused children—all as a result of juggling multiple sexual partners.


Summary

Of course, rampant and unfettered access to multiple digital sexual partners (i.e. porn) along with many people's complete lack of knowledge or experience with true, sacred, spiritual sexual intercourse is no doubt contributing to poly-popularity—and may even make the prospect of multiple sexual partners be all-the-more natural and appealing. So, for Parts 2 and 3, stay tuned as I tackle two other important considerations for sexual health: porn and sex.

In the meantime, allow me to share with you one of my favorite songs to sing to my best friend, lover, and wife of 18 years: Jessica Dawn Greenfield…

…pay attention to the lyrics below the video. Trust me: I've been a guy who's “wild and free” and I've been a guy who's given love that's gonna be hers (and only hers) until the day that we die, and I can tell you the latter is far, far better, happier, more satisfying, more fulfilling and—though saying it may put me at the risk of coming across as too aesthetic and irrational—feels so, so right.


“You may think that I'm talking foolish
You've heard that I'm wild and I'm free
You may wonder how I can promise you now
This love that I feel for you always will be
But you're not just time that I'm killin'
I'm no longer one of those guys
As sure as I live, this love that I give
Is gonna be yours until the day that I die
Oh, baby, I'm gonna love you forever
Forever and ever, amen
As long as old men sit and talk about the weather
As long as old women sit and talk about old men
If you wonder how long I'll be faithful
I'll be happy to tell you again
I'm gonna love you forever and ever
Forever and ever, amen
They say time take its toll on a body
Makes a young girl's brown hair turn gray
Well, honey, I don't care, I ain't in love with your hair
And if it all fell out, well, I'd love you anyway

They say time can play tricks on a mem'ry
Make people forget things they knew
Well, it's easy to see it's happenin' to me
I've already forgotten every woman but you
Oh, darlin', I'm gonna love you forever
Forever and ever, amen
As long as old men sit and talk about the weather
As long as old women sit and talk about old men
If you wonder how long I'll be faithful
Well, just listen to how this song ends<
I'm gonna love you forever and ever
Forever and ever, amen
I'm gonna love you forever and ever
Forever and ever, forever and ever
Forever and ever, amen.”

Amen. How about you? What are your thoughts on polyamory, porn, sex, or all three? Are you a one-woman man or a one-man woman? Are you poly? Leave your comments, questions, feedback, and personal experiences or anecdotes below. I read them all!

P.S. After I published this article, in the comments section below, Mr. Thomas Seager recommended some excellent additional reading resources, including:

-On sperm competition and the biological origins of hypergamy: Promiscuity: An Evolutionary History of Sperm Competition

-On jealousy, and how it differs from envy: The Dangerous Passion

-On male violence and the competition for sex and status: Why We Fight 

-On the intersection of religion and competition for sex, as well as the abuses of church institutions: Alpha God

-On intersexual dynamics, including the dangers of polyamory: The Rational Male

-On how the Protestant church systematically undermined kinship ties, enforced monogamous expectations, and built the cultural foundation of the Industrial Revolution: The Weirdest People In The World

61 thoughts on “Sabbath Ramblings: Sex, Porn & Polyamory Part 1.

  1. Tuukka says:

    I just finished Neil Strauss The Truth, hits on this subject 100%, also the same author wrote The Game…a nice evolvement.

  2. David says:

    Ben, Really appreciate your work in these topics. You mentioned what you’ve taught your sons. Would be great to know how you have handled the “birds and the bees” conversations with them. I think many of us aren’t really clear on what to say and when to say it. Thanks,

  3. Todd Every says:

    Great conversation, great replies, I’m trying to “say less” these coming years and just listen more and do no harm. Sex and religion will always be tough conversations and rarely end with everyone agreeing on the same path. The human condition.

  4. Billy Davis says:

    Mr. Greenfield,
    I come here as a result of your new relationship with Sports Host Jim Rome. I’ve been reading a few articles on your site and the preceding comment section. If you will allow a brief voir dire of your positions:
    Brad wrote, ” Ben may not answer that question, as the answer may have implications to his business.” He then deposits a link to an article about Christ Church Senior Minister Douglas Wilson, who Brad describes as a ‘longtime friend and minister’ to you.
    Is Wilson, in fact, a longtime friend and minister?
    Also, in regards to polyamory, I see logic that is based either upon biblical principal or upon human ethical destitution (which would have the same disparaging effects on society despite what one does in the bedroom. Envy, jealousy, even parental confusion, are just as much a part of monogamous relationships as any other. No one mentions the divorce rate amongst monogamous couples. Also,to associate the creation of democracy with Athens and monogamy is laughable…the Athenians perfected polyamory and pederasty.
    Also, you say, “for me to want to sleep with a woman other than my wife is not a sin” – the Tenth Commandment states, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife.” The actual desire itself is the very definition of covetous. How is it not a sin?

  5. Randy Haacke says:

    Thank you Ben for so courageously tackling this critically important topic that is front-and-center to nearly everyman’s struggle (mine included!) to be all God created him to be AND the fullness of life God intended him to enjoy and share with others.
    You have me stoked for your next two messages!……..
    Bless you brother and keep bring ‘in the TRUTH!

  6. Chris says:

    Do you have any fitness/bio hacking thoughts/articles for men who for various reasons live celibate?

  7. Dirk says:

    Monogamy is certainly one of the forms of “glue” that hold civilization together, but consider that historically monogamy is something forced upon the masses while the elite practised something quite different.

  8. Ben,

    I’ve many times wanted to have scriptural discussions with you. I’ve, on occasion, sent you emails but you probably did not receive them. I read your article in its entirety. I enjoyed thoroughly each of your scriptural references and your reasoning on those scriptures as I, like you, accept the Bible as divinely-inspired truth.

    As you mentioned and established by each of your scriptural references, the Bible’s stand on polygamy, polyamory, uncontrolled sexual appetite, as well as homosexuality, etc is very clear and this stand is certainly in stark contrast to many in today’s world. (1 John 5:19)

    We can certainly meditate and speculate on the many reasons why God established each of these laws, guidelines, and principles for daily living, whether they be written or innate, and observe all around us the results of rejecting those laws and guidelines. There are certainly benefits to be reaped from this both for ourselves as well as our children.

    But, the most burning issue now facing mankind and speedily coming to a head is an issue that has always faced imperfect mankind since Adam and Eve’s original sin in the Garden of Eden, that being the issue of universal sovereignty; meaning the issue of who possesses the right to determine the standards of right and wrong, good and bad, and, ultimately, who has the right to rule and to enforce those standards. The issue has been ongoing for thousands of years, certainly a long time in our viewpoint, a relatively short time in God’s. (2 Peter 3:8; Psalm 90:4) The scriptures explain (Jeremiah 10:23) that mankind simply was not created with the capacity to successfully rule or govern themselves nor was it originally their right to establish these standards, laws, principles, and guidelines for themselves. Mankind was originally intended to live under God’s governance with him as ruler, abiding by his standards, laws, principles, and guidelines to their happiness and benefit.

    Of course, Adam and Eve rejected that rulership as has most of mankind in subsequent generations. The very temptation presented by Satan was partly the opportunity to “know good and bad” in the sense of rejecting God’s definition of such and establishing their own. Admittedly, God mentioned after their having sinned that this, in fact, what had taken place through His words found at Genesis 3:22. It’s not that Adam and Eve had no concept of God’s standards of right and wrong prior to their eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and bad. They certainly had been clearly told God’s expectations and the penalty for disobedience, death. The resultant imperfection of sinful man and imperfect desires that accompany it (Romans 5:12) only exacerbate the less than ideal situation within which we find ourselves.

    However, the hope for mankind is, by endeavoring to remain obedient to God’s laws and guidelines, coming to know him better by taking in accurate knowledge (John 17:3), and exercising faith in His provision of the reconciliatory ransom sacrifice of his Son, to be among those who come out of the impending great tribulation mentioned both at Matthew 24:21 and Revelation 7:14. That great tribulation appears to be very, very close (Matthew 24:3-13; Luke 21:7-11) Furthermore, the hope of mankind is to live as subjects under God’s Kingdom (Daniel 2:44), the very Kingdom for which many unknowingly pray to come, as they repeat the Lord’s prayer recorded at Matthew 6:9, 10. Only under God’s heavenly rulership will the conditions originally intended for mankind described in Genesis 1:28 come to fruition.

    In the meantime, we endeavor to actively play our part in the fulfillment of Matthew 24:14 making that Kingdom known, even as we observe the tumult and deterioration of the moral fabric of society around us (Ephesians 4:19).

  9. Bart says:

    Lust is a demon that really doesn’t have your best interest at heart. He can try to convince you that it’s okay, but it’s a selfish arrangement that will cause problems. That’s the condensed version.

  10. I’m now monogamous (very happily married), but about a decade ago I went to a few swingers parties in Denver, which was sort of fun. I joined and would take a gander at their “community” Facebook page from time to time. And, MY GOD, what a hive of scum and villainy…
    It was this parade of unhinged, mental-health head cases.
    They do A LOT of drugs and boozing.
    There’s a lot of borderline abuse and manipulation that goes on in the BDSM side of the poly scene.
    The women in the group would get harrassed and cyber-stalked by creepy dudes in the group.
    It seems like there are some criminals that hover around the poly community. People would complain about getting robbed and scammed at parties.
    And, most of the poly folks were NOT great looking people. A lot of the kinds of people that you would “swipe-left” on. There might be a bit of basal appeal to polyamory if it was a bunch of really hot people, but it really isn’t!

    I found it all so absurdly amusing that I began screenshoting the group, thinking I might put together a compilation mocking them (would have made for instantly viral politically incorrect content), but then I realize that would be totally petty and make me a bunch of unhinged “internet enemies” so I deleted my collection of screenshots and left the group permanently.

    The silver lining of the COVID-19 pandemic/plandemic is that it’s largely shut down this scene.

  11. “The idols of today are unmistakable –
    self-esteem without achievement,
    sex without consequences,
    wealth without responsibility,
    pleasure without struggle and
    experience without commitment.”
    -Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks OBM

  12. KC Clark says:

    Hey Ben, I’m new here to the community. I so appreciate you taking the time to thoughtfully, respectfully, bridge the gap and make a stand. It’s difficult in this day and age to communicate what we believe without drawing a line. Although as followers of Christ it’s somewhat inevitable.

    Anyway, I’m. It ready to fully comment yet. BUT, I will be reading the remaining articles and hope to weight in at that point.

    Porn, especially has been a topic that has generationally taken a toll on my family. It even contributed to how I was taught about sexual relationships and behavior by my dad. So I’m eager to hear what you have to say.

    Thanks again for your contribution and leadership bro 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼

  13. Reji Varghese says:

    Ben,
    It’s great to see that you ventured into a controversial area and have shown enough boldness to take a stand and make it public. This is heartening to note especially when we are used to play safe in expressing our opinions and taking a public stand on such issues in the new era of not hurting others feelings or not to become insensitive to people. I’ve been noticing your continuous efforts to read many of these topics in the light of the Holy Bible as well, which is commendable too. May the powers be with you, Ben!

    On the topic under discussion, from the larger scheme of things, man-women union is envisioned, per Holy Bible, for company, fellowship and for continuation of the legacy. Though there are many instance of polygamy in the Bible, we can see from Genesis 2:18 that God said “I will make a helper suitable for him”. The key word is ‘suitable’. Every man or women is supposed to have a ‘suitable’ person of the other sex, per His plan. There are references in Bible whereby marriage is symbolized to the relationship Church and Christ shares, loyal and dedicated. So, I would read all these as indications that a man or woman should have a single spouse through their life. There could be approved exceptions such that, as Catholic and other Churches permit,
    – if one of the spouses transgresses intentionally and they decide to separate. After a formal separation, they can look for another single legal partner.
    – if one of the spouses passes away, the other one can look for a legal partner

    Essentially, a person is not allowed to look for another partner, when the formal partner is alive and not separated.

    Having said that, if they mutually decide to separate due to reasons due to which they are unable to share a relationship and it’s hurting both in physical/mental/emotional terms, then they could go ahead and separate and look for another legal partner. Church doesn’t permit this. This is my personal opinion.

    You or others who read this may not approve of all these points. But then, these are my thoughts. And I love that songs you’ve linked in your post ;-)

    Keep the great work up, Ben!!!

  14. VANJA says:

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU… I have been voicing this subject on my belief on what is written in the Bible in my home for many many years. Your articulation of all points is so thorough and I am excited to be able to read it without my over passionate judgement of the subject. Having a husband that is very much Christian with your marriage and fathering beliefs he came from a Mormon background which did not make for a lovely Sabbath and our home. This is a wonderful post and I very much appreciate your perspective and truth. Blessings

  15. Anonymous Dude says:

    Ben, what are your thoughts…and anyone else…I always envy your sexual relationship that you describe when experimenting with new hacks, and scheduling intimate times with your wife. I cringe because after over a decade of marriage, I feel as though my sexual desires FAR outweigh that of my wife’s, to the point where I don’t feel that there is ANY sexual attraction towards me, and that the only time there is discussion from the other side of the pillow to venture there, is solely out of a feeling of being worried it has been so long that I may start looking elsewhere. Even if I try, it’s either too late, or just not accepted. So then, the thought ventures in….hmm everything else in our relationship is great, except for the sex…maybe I can stay in this happy relationship and just connect with someone else that actually desires me sexually…(as far fetched as that sounds) And although she would NEVER be open to poly, I have wondered before why sex has to be such a lacking area. But i accept her lack of desire as just who she is and I would never leave her because of this. I just never see her fundamentally changing and I would never try to push her to be uncomfortable there. So the question is….where do I go from here? Anything other than consensual polyamory is just cheating. I admit, I wrestled with thoughts that if she is happy not connecting with me sexually, then why should I not be able to have this area fulfilled. And btw, I don’t watch porn, which I’m sure would fuel the fire unrealistically…

    1. There is a book called "Love And Respect" that you and your wife may want to go through together. I think it may help in your case!

      1. Michael says:

        Great book. Going through it with my Fiancé.

    2. Cleo says:

      To Anonymous dude: Go on tinder and you can find another partner only for that part of your life. There are a lot of men out there with the same issue.

      1. AD says:

        Cleo, are you seriously recommending this?

    3. Jane Doe says:

      Intimacy can be a difficult road for a woman and there can be a lot of emotional, physical, spiritual factors that can play into her not wanting sex as much. From the biological standpoint, she could genuinely have a nutritional deficiency or a hormone imbalance. Being on the pill can strongly effect sex drive. Dr. Jolene Brighton has really interesting info on the subject of female drive. If she is a mom or a new mom, she could be just plain tired and burnt out.

      Emotionally, she could be feeling very insecure. Insecure about how she looks during sex, insecure about not being very good at it, not being adventurous enough. Insecure about you wanting someone prettier or “better” than her.

      There is a lot to be said about you empowering her in life and helping instill true confidence in her own beauty, strength, and intelligence. A confident woman who knows she is unconditionally loved by her man, will crave intimacy automatically. We are wired for it even if it doesn’t always seem that way.

      If you are a man of faith, simply pray for her to want it more. Worked for my husband! Lol.

      I know each relationship is very different and the things I may have addressed may not apply to you, but I hope that it helps.

    4. Nigel B says:

      You obviously both love each other very much which is great and a basis for a proper open and frank discussion. Maybe it’s not a case of a lack of attraction but a lack of fulfilment when you do have sex. The only place results come before work is in the dictionary and you both need to put the work in to resolve this part of your relationship. She has angst about you going elsewhere and you have thought of it. Be brave and agree to keep talking until it is resolved in a manner happy for all.

  16. Nick says:

    Hey Ben great article and I agree monogamy is a more sustainable choice. Something I’ve been pondering is If God gave men the desire and biological drive to be with multiple women, wouldn’t it be going against God and the laws of nature to go against being multiple women as a man.

    Why would God give men the desire to be with multiple women if it was a sin to act on the desires and laws of nature given to us by God.

    1. Yep says:

      Easy, free will

    2. Paul says:

      Nick, you make it sound like being a Christian should be easy. It isn’t always.

      “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.” (Matthew 7:13)

      Not every thought and desire you have is of God and should be acted upon. As a matter of fact in Matthew 16-24, Jesus calls us to take up our cross and follow him. To follow Christ requires you crucify your flesh daily. To die to ourselves and take on Christ’s nature.

      I hope that answers your question.

  17. Teddy says:

    Don’t let your spirit supersede His. This is something I need to remember daily when contemplating what the Lord wants for us as His children.

    Love the person, hate the sin.
    God Bless
    Remember these are Bens personal beliefs which as free people we are each allowed to have. Maybe your problem is not with Ben, but with Him.

  18. Scott says:

    I am constantly tortured by this. Seeking truth in all things, this one is pretty close to the top of my list. The answer may not be a one size fits all type due in part to the variety of people and their lives. I struggle mightily with being monogamous, so much so that I consider myself a failure much of the time. Even considering other partners goes against the rules of God and much of our culture. Women are so amazing and beautiful and to be with just one is seemingly impossible. I feel constant disappointment for not having what I want and also for not obeying His word. Thank God for the many other blessings he has bestowed on me. No predicament is His fault, it is mine. I have prayed for years for a solution but have yet to find it. I still hope for a resolution without suffering.

    1. Big D(iego) says:

      Have you truly repented for all sin, including sexual sin? Repenting means to recognize how bad sexual and other types of sin is, and doing our best to not commit those sins again. You should be reading your Bible and praying daily if you aren’t already. Fasting is great too, at getting us to progress spiritually. Do all these things, pray away temptation and you really should see a difference. Because at that point, it’s not your battle anymore, but God’s. We are to crucify our daily temptations and follow Jesus, just like he told us to do.

  19. Drew says:

    Ben, thank you! Thank you for sharing your perspective. Regardless of whether or not I or others agree with you, I appreciate you sharing your belief system rather than trying to please everyone all the time. Would love to have you discuss this topic with some of the above folks on the podcast. To my knowledge you haven’t addressed the topic with them directly and I think it would be a fruitful discussion amongst great minds that I respect. :)

  20. Sarah says:

    Wow, I’m so thankful that there are men and women who choose to use their platform to talk about hard things and speak the truth…and also do so in a very logical way. I really appreciate you sharing that you do believe the Bible to be the absolute truth that we can base our life on and have the best life aka the life God designed for us for our good. Thanks for this and looking forward to next articles!

  21. Scott Epp says:

    Hey Ben. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your article today. I appreciate how you dissect polyamory and other terms and build your points from a well-rounded view. Ben, I share your beliefs that the Bible means for “a man to have one wife” / “a woman to have one husband.” One point that I may humbly add from my 13 years of happy and faithful marriage with my wife is this… I look at being married to one person as a tremendous blessing and the ultimate in refining my character and personal growth. In marriage, we can make the choice to pour ourselves into being there for our spouse, love them through their Love Languages, communicate with them through their Life Languages, and be there for them and with them through thick and thin. The depth of being known by each other and the depth of companionship and sexual intimacy is awesome. Sexual intimacy in marriage can be exhilarating, adventurous and so so fulfilling when you pursue the desires and needs of your spouse. There is unwavering trust and vulnerability and when you wake up holding each other there is no shame or worry or anything. Just love… Just my experience, I thought I’d share :) Love and blessings to you all.

  22. You have to have the mind and heart and consciousness of Buddha to be able to do this. It is not for the spiritually weak or those who cannot and will not observe appropriate boundaries. If you have the psychology consciously or unconsciously that your wife and children are your possessions this isn’t for you. The truth is everyone has this to one degree or another and even when they don’t want to live by it, it’s unconsciously programmed into everyone. This will constantly be triggered in you. It is like participating in the olympics of relationships and emotional regulation skills where your emotional regulation skills have to be on par with Buddha’s, in my humble opinion because something primal will be triggered every time via your attachment style. The only people I have known who have been able to manage this with any kind of success are people are who are financially well off in the ultra high net worth category or who are royalty. They have the money and the means to keep everyone and everything separate so everyone isn’t triggering and projecting everything onto each other and all over the place. I think this is why the Chinese concept of having a 1st wife, 2nd wife, mistress, concubine/geisha/courtesan makes sense in that it outlines what if any commitment looks like and emotional sharing and support that is appropriate for each role along with any financial or resource sharing commitments. Essentially, it’s creating relationship contracts and sticking to them. It also means taking responsibility for your own emotional “stuff” while finding ways to get your needs met without ultimatums. You need the emotional IQ of a Buddha. It actually isn’t really that “free” because you will still be observing boundaries and dealing with yours and everyone’s feelings. If you thought being with one person was hard and getting all this “right” with one, now imagine quadrupling the effort and the complexity exponentially. Like I said, it is not for the mere mortal. You need to be rich, non judgemental, disciplined, emotionally strong with the ability to take full responsibility for all your triggers while not taking on other peoples stuff. The average and even the above average human typically cannot do this. Many get into polyamorous activities because they have unhealed attachment trauma which is guaranteed to never be healed because they can jump from partner to partner never facing the real reasons or fears as to why they are doing it. I once lived in a neighbourhood where couples were “swinging”. They did it to avoid fixing the real problems in their marriages while thinking they were so liberated. Eventually everyone crashed and burned. I am in awe and respect for those that attempt this path, if they are truly doing it consciously. I am also in awe and respect for those that know who they are and where their limits truly are emotionally, mentally, physically, financially and then choose in the most loving way for themselves whether it be via monogamy or non monogamy. Peace and Love to all. -A

    1. Viktor Chan says:

      Great feedback on the article and thoroughly thought provoking with the Chinese comparison. Being ethnically Chinese I am familiar with this concept and know that it has only been abolished two generations ago. Being still young and sexually active, I do ponder this question as I am now married with two beautiful young children. Perhaps this is a good alternative as many with young children will know that the frequency of sexy time basically disappears for long durations after child birth. I guess we just have to meditate off our bodily desires during this period? On the other argument for less violence in society, I feel sexually frustrated males will always be frustrated either way in my opinion, they are not frustrated due to the rules of the game but by their own lack of ability to get tail. If anything I believe sexual desire to be the greatest motivator for young men, so if he wishes to have a 1st wife, 2nd wife, and more he better get working! On the other hand, when multiple wives are involved with children then it seems to get kind of messy with power struggles and inheritance… unless that gets resolved to begin with. This is truly a fascinating topic to discuss and I look forward to seeing more comments!!!!

  23. John Cawley says:

    Hi Ben,
    I choose a single committed partner. Beyond jealousy, multiple partners might cause me to lose track of my life’s purpose. The following is based on my study of John-Roger’s teachings.
    I am a soul, learning life lessons through a physical body, imagination, emotions, mind, and unconscious. Within the hard-wiring of my embodiment is: a high self, a conscious self and a basic self. The conscious self is my awareness of my choices and actions–my day-to-day “executive functions.” My high self maintains my “life plan,” my spiritual curriculum for learning the lessons I have arranged for this life as the optimal way to release and complete karma. My high self may inspire me toward upliftment. It also transmits “next steps” of my life plan to my basic self, for activation. My basic self is powerfully involved in my physical body, my chakra centers, and a key player in my sexuality. My basic self is not the “inner child” yet it is unsophisticated in relation to the conscious self. However, the basic self is extremely powerful. The basic self is intimately involved in our energetic body(ies). Sex, with intimacy, involves the exchange of electromagnetic and spiritual energies–potentially on all levels of our being. This is more impactful than the mingling of love juices! Put another way, sexual intercourse is a channel by which we can share our divinity yet also share our karma. In a committed relationship, the love and loyalty guides us in blending our energies. My life purpose, my understanding of myself and other life-directing indicators are impressed in my energetic body(ies). If I exchange energy with more than one partner, I’m mixing my energetic “signature” with more than one person. This can be very confusing. Because of this confusion, I might delay my growth or make less than optimal choices.
    I don’t judge folks choosing polyamory. That choice might be optimal in their spiritual curriculum for this lifetime. They might have embodied with personality traits that help them navigate the richness and complexity of multiple intimate partners.
    Learning to communicate with your basic self is a powerful approach to health and well-being. See John-Roger’s teachings for more. msia.org John-Roger held the mystical traveler consciousness. His teachings range from how to have health, abundance and good relationships–to the mystical. The foundational teaching is soul transcendence–becoming aware of oneself as soul and of one’s divinity.

  24. I put together a reading list that supplements those Ben mentioned in his post, and I put it on Twitter. The thread starts here: https://twitter.com/seagertp/status/1335649475486…

    The gist of it is this… monogamy is a cultural construction essential to civilization as we know it. It’s not necessarily the “natural” way, but it is one of the essential cultural foundations on which our way of life depends, and it is still the best way to raise children.

    We undermine the cultural expectations of monogamy only at our peril.

    1. Ben Greenfield says:

      Thanks Thomas! Great resources there.

    2. Links to the Reading List are found here:
      – On sperm competition and the biological origins of #hypergamy, by Birkhead, PhD.
      Promiscuity: An Evolutionary History of Sperm Competition https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/370679.Promiscuity
      – On jealousy, and how it differs from envy, by Buss, PhD.
      The Dangerous Passion https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/663090.The_Dangerous_Passion
      – On male violence and the competition for sex and status, by Martin, PhD
      Why We Fight https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40168064-why-we-fight
      – On the intersection of religion and competition for sex, as well as the abuses of church institutions, by Garcia, PhD
      Alpha God https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22822942-alpha-god
      – The foremost authority on intersexual dynamics, including the dangers of polyamory, a 3 book (soon to be 4) series by Rollo Tomasi
      The Rational Male https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18634307-the-rational-male
      – Finally, Henrich PhD ‘s extraordinary analysis of how the Protestant church systematically undermined kinship ties, enforced monogamous expectations, and built the cultural foundation of the Industrial Revolution — IOW, civilization as we know it.
      https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51710349-the-weirdest-people-in-the-world

    3. James says:

      “… essential to civilization as we know it.”

      One should not necessarily assume it is the best way … life can ALWAYS get better!

  25. Tabitha D. Gates says:

    In a word: boooo. Your opening opinion speaks to assumptions & just keeps digging into ignorance from there. I’ll just focus on that one simple point for the sake of my own quality time & disinterest in engaging with BARELY EVEN BOTHERED TO THINLY VEIL “lifestyle” (it’s called identity, just like gay, queer, enby, etc) PREJUDICE. Have you successfully navigated a monogamish (there’s a million ways to express BEING poly) marriage? I have, it’s created the least amount of jealousy I’ve ever experienced personally, or even witnessed in a, what was it.. “semblance of commitment”. (Again, just, booo.) You couldn’t even make it through your intro without degrading others. Every single other poly marriage I’ve seen was the same- rife with communication & acceptance- more sparse with jealousy than our monogamous counterparts. Oh & btw, I have a deeply devoted spiritual life, so respect for Christ is outta that argument too. Ugh, unsubscribe… Back to enjoying my own Sabbath with the beautiful child my “semblance” of puritanical bs relationship created, sure hope we don’t break down societal foundations by the end of our holy day.

    1. Thank you, for this article. We are currently living in a society that teaches us to do whatever feels good, of self. We are all trying to be our own god instead of following God. There are two paths in life and only one leads to heaven, the Bible is very clear on this. You either follow Jesus or you don’t its black and white no grey area. The Bible is clear marriage is one women and one man. And through scripture has shown us the downside of multiple wives it has also shown strong unions of marriage and why it’s important for our families. If you believe there is a God than you have to believe there is a Satan and he’s the ruler of this world spreading the message of you’re in charge and you should do what feels good and breaking down morality. The Bible is not a work of fiction and Jesus was a real man that defeated death over 500, witnesses that he rose from the dead. I’m going to follow the only one that has ever defeated the grave and loves everyone regardless of past sin even if that means I don’t alway get to act on what feels good to me. We are living in a spiritual warfare don’t let earthy pleasures corrupt your soul eternity is much longer than our time on earth. 🙏

  26. James says:

    Ben, you’ve written a very “safe” article seeing that you’re married and I’m guessing that your wife would prefer you to be monogamous but that isn’t where you’ve lived your life to date in the sporting world. As a Libertarian, I think it’s great to be able to say – “Poly is not for me, neither is homosexuality nor masturbation, nor the hundreds of other things described in the bible … but you should be free to live your life as you wish” but most don’t and will use their religious leanings to subvert another’s freedom of choice.
    Furthermore, I have heard the argument that monogamy allows civilizations to exist – and I don’t disagree – but I would go one step further and say – it’s one reason old men send young men to war because powerful men (and women), while “married” typically had numerous affairs and mistresses (lovers).

    If you look at most data, I think you find given the choice, most people are serial monogamists.

    I’ve followed you for a long time and have to say, I’m not a fan of the religious “ramblings”.

    Married 35 years!

  27. Adele Engel says:

    From experience I believe the cost of multiple partners is very high on all involved. The 60’s and 70’s were ripe for this “revolution” and brought about a lit of “fatherless” children, std’s, jealousy, violence, mistrust ,broken hearts and dreams, and suicides. Often the multiple relationships are set up with the idea that you have a husband,whom you love and do not plan to leave, and the others are for sex play and no emotional involvement or commitment. Hmmm….very dysfunctional in practice. I have witnessed children used as pawns in the power plays that happen when the shit hits the fan. It isn’t pretty and LOVE doesn’t live there anymore. I have also seen many open relationships where, even with the best of intentions and well laid plans, one person does become emotionally involved and feels worthless as a sex only partner ….and there’s the perfect storm for a broken heart. We didn’t get the saying “hell has no fury like a woman scorned” because all the parties just live happily ever after.oh honey…bit of a glitch…I have genital herpes and they are going to present some challenges. When sexually diseased enter a relationship it is almost impossible for there not to be a sense of “dirty and diseased” involved. “There’s a thin line between love and hate” is another saying that comes to mi d and that thin line is often crossed with infidelity fueling it. Ok….it is a very slippery slope and all I can say is that is has more potential to turn bad than to find joy in it. Don’t even get me started on the effects it has on children!!! In short…not good doesn’t even come close. You risk your child’s success at every level….and then there’s the judgement…it goes on and on. There’s nothing wrong with temptation…acting upon that temptation appears to create a lot of issues. Most of these issues are not found to be aesthetically pleasing. Ok…there’s my Sabboth rambling on the topic.

    1. Great thoughts…and so true that TEMPTATION is not an issue. It's acting on that temptation that's an issue. Trust me: I think it would be so fun to be able to sleep with several women every month. But I don't act on that desire out of my conviction and deeper desire for legacy and lasting love.

  28. Kevin Trick says:

    Great article, Ben, and it’s great to tackle these important principles. The challenge with today’s worldview is the belief (and behaviour) that sexual intimacy is purely physical, whereas we know that it is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Sexual intimacy creates bonds in each of these areas.
    Keep up the great work.

  29. Dave Mortell says:

    Great article Ben. Happily married 28 years. And if there is on thing I’ve learned in life, the grass is never greener, it too will turn brown. It’s much easier to take care of the grass you have. After all, whose fault is it that your grass isn’t the greenest anymore? Focusing on the one relationship and making it the greenest is so much more rewarding than being able to doink any person you want.

    1. Adele Engel says:

      If your grass isn’t as green as your neighbors,it usually means that they are taking better care of their lawn. Sometimes people who can’t commit to a marriage have a host of issues that need dealing g with. These are not limited to this list:low self esteem, low impulse control, drug and alcohol problems, for issues, daddy issues, poor parental modeling, etc. So, I 100% agree with your post.

  30. Lawrence says:

    I’m curious to your thoughts on homosexuality? I realize this topic is not the topic at hand, although polyamory is quite apparent in this section of the population. What is your perspective as to whether or not being gay is ‘wrong’ in the eyes of God?

    1. Brad says:

      I am guessing Ben may not answer that question, as the answer may have implications to his business.

      Here are articles on Ben’s longtime family friend and minister, which may or may not provide some clues

      https://dnews.com/local/christ-church-minister-explains-opposition-to-same-sex-marriage/article_39087632-0c72-5975-95ad-3024be49b2ce.html

      https://bengreenfieldfitness.com/podcast/lifestyle-podcasts/food-catholic/

      1. Adele Engel says:

        Just sayin’ that I know many monogamous same sex couples.

        1. Lawrence says:

          Yes, I agree there are many monogamous same sex couples.

      2. Lawrence says:

        Thank you.

    2. I believe there is no justification for hatred, hurtful comments, or other forms of rejection or hate toward those who experience same-sex attraction and desires or identify themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Having homosexual or other such desires is not a sin, in the same way that for me to want to sleep with a woman other than my wife is not a sin – just a natural heterosexual desire of man. However, I believe that sexual intercourse between two members of the same sex *is* a sin because it violates the laws of nature (e.g. I think penises were designed to go into vaginas) and the the laws of the Bible (e.g. From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh… Mark 10:6-8 and Genesis 2:24). So I don’t think being gay is a sin, but I think homosexual sexual intercourse *is* a sin, in the same way I don’t think me desiring somebody other than my wife is a sin, but me acting on that desire and having sex with that woman or man would be.

      1. Brad says:

        Thanks for making your beliefs known. I am heterosexual, but I don’t really care what others do as long as they do not mentally or physically hurt others.

        At some level, labeling someone else’s consensual, legal behavior as a sin is probably hurtful whether or not intended as such. In any event, I think it’s better that you expressed your views as opposed to keeping them silent.

        I get your analogy with your wife, but it is not really the same thing. Your construct about what’s permissible under the eye of God presumably allows you to act on your sexual desires (with your wife), but does not allow gay people to act on any of their sexual desires for their entire life That seems to me be a harsh life sentence (no sex) for for consensual homosexual adults.

        It should be noted that Catholics appear to be changing their views on this subject over time.
        See the article: Francis becomes 1st pope to endorse same-sex civil unions.
        https://apnews.com/article/pope-endorse-same-sex-civil-unions-eb3509b30ebac35e91aa7cbda2013de2

        1. Lawrence says:

          Thank you, Brad. As a gay man and a Christian I appreciate your response and of course I agree with it. Fortunately, slowly but surely, people are educating themselves and not using antiquated writings written by ordinary mortal men as a guide for love and the equality to love whomever we choose without being deemed to hell for eternity. It is what it is.
          God is love. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

      2. Matthew says:

        Ben, thanks for all of your amazing content. If you have time, in regards to your comments on this post, what are your thoughts on Matthew 5:27-28? Thanks!

  31. Jenifer says:

    Thank you, I’m chomping at the bit for your next article on porn! Thank you for speaking boldly and truthfully!

  32. Chris says:

    Faithfully married 35 plus years. Grateful for loving partner and lack of drama. Mental and physical health outstanding. This is the way to live. .

    1. 35 years…I have some catch-up to do… ;)

      1. Chris says:

        No rush.

  33. Very thorough article Ben. You hit so many points from different perspectives. I am both a medical doctor and a deacon in the Catholic Church in Sarasota, FL . I’d love to one day have an in depth conversation with you about this topic, faith, and fitness. Keep up the great work!

    Godspeed

    Bill

  34. Mohammed Kraish says:

    The 3 people that Ben uses as examples have been vocal on how difficult poly relationships are and I believe have discouraged more people then inspired them to have open relationships. I’m fact Paul Chek always uses the example of athletes comping to him about advice on how to have multiple women and he usually talks them out of if and become more open with themselves.

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